12/31/02:It's still the 31st, though just barely. I'm experiencing the sort of insomnia that I've always had on any eve, especially these winter holiday vigils. Phillip is long asleep, though I will go kiss him at midnight for once. I've tried unsuccessfully to start a new bead project, and knitted till my hands hurt, and watched the History Channel's History of Sex series. The latter was pretty funny, and really highlighted the far-reaching effects of the idiocy of courtly love. How we ever got to the point that women were "owned" by some man is beyond me.
I think I might be starting to miss people. Not necessarily specific people, though that happens, but just the company of other humans. I wanna talk. With Mike gone, there are things I just don't get to talk about anymore. Oh, Phillip will listen to me, but he doesn't often discuss, and my mom and sister are pretty caught up in the child-rearing sort of discussions, and there are things you just don't talk about at work, at least if you want to stay working. Maybe it's the lack of sleep, who knows?
Another year over. It doesn't seem to matter though. I don't feel nostalgic or sad or even like partying. I may cook something special for supper if Phillip likes, but he has to work tomorrow so we aren't doing anything too rowdy. I get to stay home, and I plan to tackle my craft area once again. This may involve getting more shelves at the least, and definitely involves moving some furniture out of the way. Oh, and I'll put the Christmas decorations up. We never took them out of the box.
12/30/02:Yeah, I'm generally starting to neglect my log. It's a sign that I'm doing worse than I let myself think. I should go to at least my PCP and discuss medication, but I still don't want to. Phillip says it isn't bothering him, but there are times when I think that he needs meds too, so he wouldn't necessarily notice if I were really losing it.
I'm finishing the drapes on the Russian Leaf ornament, and it's gorgeous if monochromatic. I only half-heartedly worked on the socks this past weekend, so I put them away for now. A card case has taken its place, hot pink size 10 crochet thread and a random assortment of pinkish beads knitted on my size 00 needles. At Hobby Lobby I finally found some variegated size 5 perle cotton for my transparent 8/0 bead projects, whatever they turn out to be, and while I was there I got two heart-shaped doilies with crocheted shell lace edges to make a little bag with. I've been wanting to play with bead embroidery, so that will be the piece - they had the cutest Victorian-style purse done with the doilies and iron-on ribbon roses and lace, so mine will be romantic too. Never mind that I have a bustier that I intended to bead embroider. I did get a new stretchy dress pattern that has all the sizes, so I shouldn't have to get a new one ever again, and a skirt pattern that I like, so if I can get to my sewing machine, I'll have some new girly clothes.
12/28/02:So I haven't updated in five days. Christmas, and being sick, and work being absolutely nuts have conspired to keep me off the computer. Mom and Dad came up when we left their house the Sunday before Christmas, and just left today. I did finally get to feeling almost normal again on Christmas Eve.
I didn't finish either scarf or sock for Christmas. The socks can just be given when I get them done, but I'd really meant for Mom to have the scarf for the cold weather. Oh well, next year will have cold weather too. I did get everything but the swags done on the Russian Leaf ornament drape, because I'd misread the ornament size in the pattern and had to go find a 3.5" ornament to make sure it would fit.
I did, however, print out my BBT chart. The trial on the software I've been using is almost up, and I don't want to rechart all that! It didn't want to print the chart though, it locked up twice before I got it to print. It was all for posting it to the web, though.
I'm the plain classic brown Doc Marten...
I'm mellow, down to earth,
and a little on the conservative side
Which Doc Marten are you?
(by *coffeebean*)
12/23/02:I really did mean to update at my parents'. Dad's computer was doing weird things and Mom's is in the middle of the living area, so I wasn't about to try to do it on hers - too noisy to think! I love my family, but they drive me crazy sometimes. This weekend was no exception. The games went pretty well actually, except the umpteen times that somebody couldn't remember the rules, or the gillion re-dos because of said rules. I'm just not a team player. Still recovering from the flu or whatever only has a little to do with it. Being in a roomful of people and dogs for hours on end has a little more to do with it. I guess I never realized just how much I don't like crowds.
We had a good visit with Phillip's parents, too. His sister was even there, but since she lives in Memphis that wasn't too surprising.
12/19/02:Ha! My soreness and headache were actually the flu. I've been sick the last few days. I'm back at work today, but I'm not sure that was a good idea. It may not actually be the flu, but it's some viral nasty and I don't recommend it. I can sort of breathe again, at least.
I've been reading, and partially agreeing with, The Preacher. When I get better, or at least less fuzzy-headed, I'm going to write a rant that occurred to me while reading his weblog.
12/16/02:Sleeping didn't help things much. Now I'm sore again because I don't move enough in my sleep. My head hurts because I've been taking Tylenol for the pain; it's the only pain reliever approved for use in pregnant women, and I don't want to risk taking something else in the necessary quantity unless I'm sure I'm not pregnant. I suspect my shopping expedition yesterday didn't help, either. I wanted to go to Hobby Lobby today to see if they still have the clear frosted ball ornaments for the Russian Leaf.
It's a phone day, I need to call iTec to see about the A+ class and the Jones Center to see about a meeting room for the bead society. I can finally set a date and time when I see when/if the class is scheduled.
12/15/02:Well, I got to sleep about 3:30 and slept more or less until 9:40, so I got enough sleep eventually. I just realized that the day I'd chosen for the Bead Society meetings might conflict with the A+ class we're taking this winter, so I have to wait until we get registration confirmation to set a day or time. Arrrgh!
This is one of the randomly over the 24-hour period kinda entries. It's 1:30 am, and I haven't been to sleep yet. I'm having horrible twingy pains in my neck and knee, heartburn, and some sort of hypoglycemic tremor that make it impossible to get comfortable enough to nod off. Now I'm trying the exhaustion method. Maybe I'll get to sleep before Phillip gets up.
I've been indulging in some beaded knitting, and I read half of The Last Continent by Terry Pratchett. I love his books. All authors should have that sense of humor and skewed realism. I also visited Real Live Preacher, a very thoughtful weblog. It's now 2:30 am and I'm not sleepy at all despite wandering through several dozen weblogs.
I am getting hungry, though, and annoyed that we decided to put off the junk food shopping. I really want butter crackers and American cheese. I guess I can make a microwave cheese quesadilla, we have tortillas and shredded colby jack. I'd eat the Gala apples if I weren't craving salty things so much. Even peanut butter isn't salty enough to make me want the apples. This is a shame because normally, I love apples and particulary Gala apples. I used to prefer Red Delicious, but they are rarely as firm or sweet as they were before the cold-storage breeding. Golden Delicious are sweet enough, but they aren't firm. Granny Smiths are firm, but require peanut butter or cheese to cut the sourness.
12/14/02:It felt so good to sleep in, even if I did wake up four times before I finally got up. The new Dritto & Rovescio is online! I love the Adriafil interpretations of fashion to knit, they are very European and this issue has a wild fuzzy vest on the cover. Like I need anything else to work on!
It's entirely too close to Christmas. I have mixed feelings about that because it's not a good time to be depressed, but it is a good time for family togetherness, eating and presents. Too bad we can't have Christmas in the summer, when I'm less affected by the symptoms than when it's cold and dark and yucky.
12/13/02:I made it through the week, mostly. My head is killing me. But it's Friday, and I only have to get through this day to end the week. Maybe I'll sleep in tomorrow. Ha! Phillip works, so I'll wake up at 5:40 when his alarm goes off. Probably I'll get back to sleep, but still.
*sigh* No matter how apathetic I get about everything else, I can't stop being very angry about the state of our government. There is something very wrong going on there. I know I'm not alone in this, so why haven't our elected officials figured out that we don't like what they're doing? Go to Contacting Congress and tell them! There is a service for e-mailing your Representative, and most of the Senators have a web site with feedback forms. It doesn't get any easier.
12/12/02:It's a day. Now that I'm sleeping again it's much harder to wake up all the way, like I'm trying to stay asleep while I can. Phillip and I both get paid tomorrow, though he won't get his check until Saturday. Maybe I'll feel like doing something interesting later, instead of sitting around the house. I did finish one leaf of the Russian Leaf ornament last night, though, and there's one inch left to knit on the leg of the sock. If I get really motivated, I'll post pictures of my latest works. I've been trying to get decent cat pictures to post on my picture page, but so far no luck. It's harder than you'd think to photograph a black cat and a white cat in the same picture!
12/11/02:I'm having the most frustrating time finding a place to buy H&M clothes without going to New York, or ordering from overseas! They had the cutest dress I've seen anywhere lately in one of the magazines, and their web site only mentions that they have stores on the east coast. I guess I could just try to find something similar locally. Ha! This town is too full of sorority-girl prep and preteen Brittneyesque (and old-lady clothes!!) for me to find anything that cute here. What we have is Dillards, which is not known for having things I'll wear in a size that I can wear. I'm looking at Bluefly now. Actually, I'll do some work eventually this morning.
Dad sent me the most useful site: Convert-Me.com. It has conversion calculators for almost every unit I've ever seen! Want to know how many talents to the pennyweight? They have it!
It's only Wednesday! How am I going to get through two more days? I still ache in my bones, I'm still cranky, I'm tired/sleepy while still unable to sleep through the night, and it gets dark at 5 pm. I should just go to bed as soon as I get home. Phillip is off for three days, so I get to see him when I get up and at lunch, which is both soothing and annoying when he's all energetic and I feel like crap. I actually got mad at him last night for being basically himself, very silly and a touch aggravating-on-purpose. I hate it when I can't just take him as he is. I usually like the sillyness. Just another sign that I'm not coping as well as I like to think.
12/10/02:Blah, blah, blah. I wanna hibernate and I can't, I have to work. Working is probably a good thing, otherwise I'd literally spend the whole winter in bed, and never get anything done. I don't get anything done anyway; I need to get some groceries and I don't want to, and we still haven't put up our tree. I'm about to tell Phillip to just stick that stuff back in the closet and forget about it this year. I'd like to forget about everything and just go lay down. It's slow at work, though. I haven't decided whether that's good or bad. both, maybe. I have to at least look busy, but it isn't very stressful.
12/9/02:Nope, I didn't update all weekend. Know why? Because Phillip's computer is the source of much wrath and despair! He says that I just have to restart it and it will work fine, but by the time I realize that it's screwed up I'm really really mad. Not the best state of mind for dealing with inanimate objects. Add that to the annoying Ovusoft fertility program I've been fiddling with and, well, it's better if I stay away from that computer.
Anyway, I finished the turqouise necklace and it's really cool, very earthy and primitive-feeling. I am almost done with the leg of the first sock, too. I went to Hobby Lobby Saturday but didn't find anything I wanted. My sister and I went shopping Sunday, and I actually bought things for other people. I wanted to start the "Russian Leaf" ornament from the last Bead & Button, but I didn't quite get to it. So I had a relatively productive weekend even though I was achy and cranky, and I got my period which made me even crankier. It was three days early.
12/6/02:It's a good thing that it's Friday. Too bad Phillip has to work all weekend, but the man was off Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday this week so I can't really feel sorry for him, just for me that I have to get through two whole days without him or work. It's a paranoid depressed thing, the clingyness. If I let my mind wander, if it isn't completely occupied somehow, I start having the obsessive thoughts of vaguely impending doom. Currently they are all fertility-oriented, since I'm trying to conceive and it just hasn't happened yet. I don't even know if I ovulate!
TMI Warning I was entering my temperature data into the database charting program (Ovusoft)that came with my BBT thermometer, and the method they use is very heavily dependent on, er, secretions. I was annoyed to find that without that information, the program won't narrow down a likely ovulation date at all! It gives an even wider possible range than the old-fashioned day-counting(I use WebMD's ovulation calendar that uses the day-counting, it's very cute, but it's a members-only thing), 10 days instead of 5, which is ridiculous. Does anybody have that much sex?!? I'd love it if we did, but it isn't realistic to expect that sorta thing to happen. I mean, that's sex every day for ten days. Most Americans only have sex once or twice a week! All these people complaining about the lack of sex after childbirth don't stop having sex because of the baby; they stop having sex because they've used up their quota for the next umpteen months trying to get pregnant! Admittedly conception sex seems a little less fun, because it's too goal-oriented. I guess if we were used to having to schedule time to be snuggly it wouldn't seem so bad, but we are used to doing whatever whenever. It's all craziness; maybe we should quit trying altogether. But I do want children, and I don't want to be 35 before I find out I'm infertile either. The doctors won't even talk to you about it until you've been trying for a year. So on with the calendars and the scheduling...
12/5/02:It iced and snowed and the effect is rather pretty. It didn't even really mess up the roads, though most of the schools are out today. The cold is not helping the pain thing at all. I did sleep last night, at least. I don't hate everything, just parts of it.
My dear, ex-kindergarten teacher mother has decided that we should play party games at our annual family Christmas party, so that means something that a three-year-old can play and a twelve-(thirteen-?)year-old will play. Tall order. I sent her to Everyrule. Heaven only knows what she'll come up with. I told her no games that would cause her clumsy daughter to fall on her face, please.
12/4/02:I've been lax in my coding, resulting in the last week being out of order and the links at the top not working properly. So sue me, I'm having a horrible week. I have not slept more than two hours at a time for three days now, I have a mountain of work, and I hurt in every joint I have. I'm a cranky woman, and you'd be cranky too. At least I'm not having that stomach virus that's going around.
12/3/02:I slept horribly because my hips hurt for some unknown reason, and once I was awake, the little nagging thoughts wandered in. Go visit the Anxiety Disorders Association page and get more information about that sort of thing. Stupid brain anyway.
I started a sample of the itty bitty bead crochet and it's harder to get started than the slightly bigger topstitch thread and 11/0 beads - I used my neglected size 13 steel hook (noticably smaller than my usual size 10 steel hook)!
12/2/02:yep, it's back to work time. I just did the totals for last month and we did over seven thousand AI tests in November! That's insane! It's about a thousand more than October, which was about a thousand more than September, which was some unknown amount more than August...this is a bad trend even if it is job security. Really, it would be hard for there to be another thousand samples because I already have all that the big companies can send.
I made some excessively cute snowflake ornaments from plastic beads that I'll have to post pictures of. They turned out well. Actually there are a lot of things I need to post pics of. Not that I've finished too much lately, and I just started two more projects to amuse myself with: a turquoise chip and seed bead necklace, and a bead crocheted necklace. It'll take me a while to string that last one before I actually start crocheting, because I'm using 15/0 seed beads (which are very tiny) on two strands of Gutermann polyester and rayon sewing thread. The turquoise one won't take anything like as long. I usually do more than one project at a time, so I don't get sick of the really time-consuming ones or any one technique.
12/1/02:I hate it when I'm wrong. Today I was wrong about the hours that the stores I wanted to visited would be open. At least it was pretty outside! The living room needs to be cleaned so we can put up our little tree, so I guess I can do that instead of shopping. I was just going to get more Delica beads and more Gutermann thread...so I'll go later.
11/28/02:
11/27/02: Phillip took the useless object quiz and he was a:
11/26/02:Go here - rathergood.com. You'll be glad you did.
Maybe a short week isn't such a good thing after all. I got in another batch of ELISAs that technically needs to be done by the end of the month. That just isn't happening - I mean, it's Tuesday already, and we're off Thursday and Friday! I can only do so much.
You have to read this. It's the 11 Rules of Writing, things that are often done wrong. You might be surprised. I found it at Everyrule, which seems to be more game rules than anything else.
How wrong is this??
take the which one of the trading spaces cast are you? quiz!
11/25/02:Everybody but Ray and I is gone for the morning to a shipping seminar. It's been quiet, because it's Monday of a holiday week, thank goodness. I hate answering phones.
Thanksgiving is going to be like last year, it'll just be the two of us. Dad sent us food from the Ozark Mountain Smokehouse, ham and turkey and two cheeses. Yum! It's much better than having to cook everything. I only do the sides, like dressing and some veggies.
11/24/02:I'm adding a page of pictures. They will mostly be family, but I may make a separate page for artwork. I guess it just depends how much space it all takes up.
11/23/02:I exercised this morning. I am soooo out of shape, endurance-wise. I still have all sorts of muscle, tho. I can do full sit-ups like they're nothing! I can still touch my toes, too, and I couldn't do that for years before I started doing the yoga. It's a good day to work in the garden, if I get that energetic. I may not. I may knit all day. I have three projects going: Mike's Easy-Fit Pullover sweater for my husband from Interweave Knits' Summer 2002, the Roxanne scarf from Berroco for Mom, and a watch cap for myself. I'm also working on a netted necklace using the gorgeous faceted pearls I got at this year's ABC.
11/22/02:Gee, I haven't been keeping up with my anchors on this page and I have almost two weeks of entries on here! I fixed it, though. I feel like crap today. At least it's Friday so I probably won't have too much to do. I need more rest. My head/neck/throat hurts.
11/21/02:
Wow, is that me or what! I am an attack banana. It's all Mike's fault.
So the doctor says he doesn't think I have anything to worry about, that the location indicates a generally harmless cyst(warning: following this link may be TMI!). I'll wait for the lab results.
Phillip and I both woke up about 3:30 this morning and I knitted a few rows on his sweater while he played Metroid Prime. We went back to sleep about 4:30. I hate insomnia, but at least I don't have to be awake alone most of the time.
11/20/02:Wednesdays suck. This one sucks more than usual because not only do I have my usual jillion samples for AI, I'm going to the doctor this afternoon. I have a lump. I had precancerous lesions removed from this area ten years ago, and I'm terrified that it's actually cancer this time. I guess I'll find out. Funny how I haven't ever considered a regrowth.
11/19/02:I wonder if your brain can actually sustain some dream activity when you're awake? Guess I'll have to see what I can find about that. Update: The only article I can find that mentions both the waking and sleeping brain is flaky, so I guess it hasn't been widely studied or published yet.
The meteor shower was almost invisible due to the full moon; I only saw one meteor! Of course, I was looking out my window instead of going outside in the cold, so it was probably a little better than that, even with the moon.
You should see Jezebel Whitlock's page. She shows what happens when an SUV hits a car, and it's pretty scary. Don't think that just because you're safe in your huge gas-guzzler that you won't kill anyone else with it from carelessness (the idiot ran a red light and put two people in the hospital)!!
The only thing worse than being on hold is when they put you on hold and the hold music is "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" (Kenny Chesney)....I am obviously having my karma balanced or something.
11/18/02:Sunday was such a nice day that I went and hung around my sister's for most of it and let Phillip go home and play video games. Saturday night we went to see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (scroll down for clips - ignore the plot synopsis), and it was pretty good, had some actually scary parts, very like the book. If you have nightmares about spiders already, this movie will not help to dispel them.
I feel weird. Not sick, just odd, not right. Dizzy. I want to stay up/get up to watch the Leonid meteor shower tonight, so I hope I feel better later.
11/16/02:Mom and Dad stayed over last night. They're sleeping in for the first time in a week, so I'm just going to let them. I dunno what I'm going to do today...maybe go hang out at Courtney's, or visit the bead store. I really need to make flyers for the bead society, if I ever want to get that going. Maybe I will!
11/15/02:Friday, Friday, Friday is my favorite day! Sometimes, anyway. The guys at the Eagle 103 in Memphis used to sing that, and maybe they still do. That used to be my favorite radio station. Check out their baby names!
The beady ladies are the best. I'm working on having a bead retreat sorta thing for the spring, and they are so supportive! I don't know what I'd do without them, I really don't.
11/14/02:Yeah, and it didn't get any better yesterday, except that Phillip took me out to eat. I am sick of this week. I want it gone!
11/13/02:Good thing I'm kinda energetic - since about 11 am yesterday, work has gone bonkers! It's going to be another 3000+ sample week, and it's a short week, so that's particularly impressive. Wednesday is the worst anyway.
11/12/02:I'm actually happy. The worst part is wondering how long that will last. Is it the end of this cycle of depression, or is it the eye of the storm with worse to come? It hasn't been a year since the symptoms set in, or has it? A year is a fairly usual length of time for one of my depressive episodes. Maybe Mike remembers how long it's been.
In other news, if you've ever logged off from brotherjames, you've seen the satire site The White House. If not, you should go check them both out. Especially if you need a belly laugh, but not at all if you are very conservative or easily offended.
11/11/02:Since Veteran's Day is a government holiday, I went flea marketing with Mom. Yesterday we all went to the mall but I didn't like anything there. Shopping is a patriotic activity, you know, gotta keep the economy moving!
11/9/02:Whew! We sorted through all our clothes and boxed up like half of them. It's amazing how much stuff we had that we couldn't wear anymore. I kept some of Phillip's too-small pants and shirts for pregnancy wear, and I kept some of my business dress clothes just in case. We even made a dent in the disgusting old t-shirt collection! All that before lunch.
11/8/02:La la lala la la...it's week's end, and I am ready for it! Phillip has the weekend off too, and that now means that we can go out on Friday and/or Saturday night instead of just Saturday! I actually kind of want to go out, after being so tired and sick and antisocial. Does this mean I'm suddenly well? No, it's an Indian Summer of the psyche just as it's Indian Summer outside - it can stay 70 degrees year-round for my taste! But I'll take the sunshine even if it's cold. It's definitely better than that horrible cold dark drizzle.
11/7/02:Not that I'm going to be the most alert, coherent person in any case, but I am so disconnected today. Dreamtime, like I am asleep having vivid dreams more than like real life. This is when I get the strangest deja vu, see things that aren't usually there, hear the things I can usually only see on people's faces. A bit over-mystical maybe, but that's what it's like nonetheless.
11/6/02:I'm a little in shock. Mike left for Denver with his father at some ungodly hour this morning. They are going to have a beautiful day for a trip, sunny and, if not warm, then not freezing at least. They should make it to Denver today. It just doesn't seem real. A week from now, I'll freak out when it hits me.
I voted...did you? Most of my choices didn't win, but there's always next time. Some of the races were much closer than the winners would've like, I bet!
11/5/02:I was going through the list of Arkansas candidates, and I realized that they've all been around in politics for too long. I guess that's how it works, but sheesh. It makes me nervous that I've heard of all these people before, except a few city council candidates.
11/4/02:After a long rainy dark spell, today I woke up to sunshine. Well, actually I woke up the first time (5:20am!) to a frisky man, but when I got up for real (7:23am) it was sunny. I slept most of yesterday. I didn't get out of bed until 3pm! It was nice.
11/2/02:There are crazy men playing Godzilla in my living room!! Mike stayed over last night, and worked on his computer stuff this afternoon while I took a nap. I'm almost done with his neckpiece. Right now I'm waiting for the lasagna to cook, and listening to Phillip and Mike play like little children. It's very soothing, in a way.
11/1/02:It's 1 am, and I'm awake. I am not a happy camper. Went and posted some over at Freaksandcliques, and worked on the strap to Mike's neckpiece.
10/31/02:
I'm awake again, and I'm still not a happy camper. But it is Friday, and I got paid. I am ready for the sinus drainage to go away.
In more disgusting news, my cold is wandering towards sinus infection - I coughed up green plaques of yick this morning. Great green globs, even. I should have saved some to culture here at the lab.
10/30/02:If I didn't know that I will get better, I would jump in front of a train. I hate being sick, and depressed, and sleep-deprived. Phillip went to his first day of first shift this morning. We both gave in and got up about 5 am because we couldn't sleep. Of course, he couldn't sleep because he fell asleep at 6:30 last night, and I couldn't sleep because I couldn't breathe. We didn't even get to do anything fun for our anniversary Monday because we were sick. Bleah.
10/26/02:Rest and stress release (thanks to Mike letting me throw a fit at him) are wonderful things. I'm still sick, though, and Phillip has to get his sleep schedule switched around by Wednesday so he can go on first shift. We decided not to go to the family cabin for our anniversary weekend, so here we are in our messy house. It's better in some ways, worse in others, like the fact that U of A is having their homecoming this weekend (damn crazy sports fans!), but we'll be here to go to our favorite restaurants instead of looking for places to eat in Mountain Home or Calico Rock.
10/25/02:On top of said black mood, I am SICK! I have it. Runny nose, low-grade fever induced eyeball dysfunction, aches, sore throat, mild dizziness...a classic cold. We were supposed to go away this weekend for our anniversary, but we're both sick now. Maybe we'll go anyway. Did I mention that I hate everything? At least the boss is gone so I can play horrible noisy music like the Vines. They suit both the angry and the depressed. I brought in the White Stripes while I was at it but I think they are mostly too happy for today. Did I mention that it's dark, drizzly, foggy, clammy/cold gross outside? I really hate everything.
10/24/02:EEeeeerrrb floob schnorb. Grlopf. schloob. I hate everything. This is a prime example of the sort of black mood that, so far, only Phillip and Mike can face undismayed.
10/23/02:Phillip stayed home again last night, this time on doctor's orders - she gave him codeine cough syrup and a sinus pill that may cause drowsiness. He was out of it by the time I fell asleep. The funny/weird thing is that all of his medications may cause dizziness and hallucination, even the antibiotic.
It's amazing how we are so distracted from the possibility of a lot of people being shot by a few people being shot. That sniper is the top story on every news site I've been to today. Never mind that Korea is making threats if we don't have talks on nuclear issues, and our National Guard and reservists are leaving the service to keep from having to take anthrax vaccinations.
10/22/02:Phillip stayed home last night, and he's going to the doctor today, so he is really sick. He hates to go to the doctor. I'm just worried that he has bronchitis or something yicky like that. I probably worry too much about him, but that's what he gets for marrying me.
Took Mike shopping last night and found things he actually needed but was having trouble finding. I'm a good shopper.
I found this site on Baha'i and it's the closest single religion to my beliefs. It's possible that I'm too spiritually eclectic, though the existence of Baha'i indicates that I'm not alone on this. My one belief that doesn't seem to fit into Baha'i is the use of magic. Most organized religions are, well, unfond of that. I don't practice ritual magic or Wicca, I just use what comes to me. I don't think of magic as a form of worship, but as an ability, like perfect pitch. I know, I'm weird.
10/21/02:This is already a lousy week. I am incredibly tired and a little sick, Phillip is sick, and he just found out that he is being involuntarily moved to first shift. I would almost be glad except that he doesn't want on first because the people that work it have a history of not being good workers. Poor sweetie.
About.com's paranormal site has "the best ghost pictures ever taken" this week, and they are pretty creepy. I took yet another silly quiz and discovered that
Take the World of Darkness Quiz
by David J Rust
10/20/02:Going to sleep at 4:30 in the morning is not a good idea. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight!
10/19/02:I found the "World's pretty much only religious satire magazine", called The Door this morning, and it is actually pretty funny. I'm going to craft fairs!
10/18/02:Not pregnant. I don't like having my period but I like it less now. It's been pointed out that we've only been trying for five months, but it seems like forever, especially with assorted family members asking about it.
10/17/02:David Lodge said that "Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way around." I particularly understand that right now. I've been reading Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake vampire books, and they are mostly about sex. I don't know if they are literature, exactly, but still. This weekend (tomorrow if I can't stand to wait anymore) I'll take the home pregnancy test, hopefully the last for a while, and it's definitely occupying a notable portion of my mind.
I went home at lunch yesterday and took a long, hot mineral bath, a pain pill, and a nap. I feel much better today.
10/16/02:I was rear-ended at Old Wire and Mission (one of those horrible y-at-a-curve intersections) in Fayetteville last night. My head, neck, and back hurt, but it's just muscle aches. It would hurt a lot more if I were seriously injured, but it's still uncomfortable to work when all those areas are sore. I was on my way to have dinner with Mike and the gang at Asahi . We did have a nice dinner, and they were having a roll special with three kinds of sushi rolls for $10. I like sushi. It's possible that I shouldn't eat the kind with raw fish if I'm pregnant, but I had wasabi with the tuna roll, as a protective measure.
10/15/02:We had such a nice evening, and I actually slept well. I fixed my own version of cheddar chicken and we watched CSI and wrestling, which is way better than Phillip playing Earth & Beyond while I sort of hang out in the same room. Wrestling is pretty funny. Currently they're making fun of one of the guys for dressing up in a Vegas showgirl kinda costume for a match last Thursday, and it was one of those skimpy feathery costumes with a headdress! Hilarious. The new CSI: Miami is pretty good if you can ignore Dana Delany, and Phillip's comments about how much he doesn't like her. Granted, she wasn't part of the original cast.
I'm short on normal work so I'm filing my random stacks of paper this morning. I dislike paper management, but it has to be done.
10/14/02:Sleep is a precious commodity, of which I have too little. I slept fitfully. We turned on the heater last night, which influenced my last dream so that it was about the house catching on fire, which wouldn't have bothered me except I couldn't get the cats out. Never mind that the cats were all asleep on my person, or maybe that's why I remembered them.
I found this interesting page on computer operating systems. It's an essay by basically a hacker, and it's pretty in-depth.
10/13/02:I'm still not feeling well. I went to see Mike but he was out, so I ran a couple of errands and went home. It's laundry day, and I'm discovering that I don't have enough long-sleeve t-shirts to go a week without washing them. Gotta get more. Of course, some of the ones I wore last year don't fit anymore. I only weigh 10 (or 15 when I have PMS) pounds more than I did then, but the shirts don't fit at the arms and across the, um, protrusions, which makes the armholes too tight. I realize that there's nothing wrong with weighing 130 +/- 5 lbs. at 5'6", but it's annoying when I have to buy new clothes.
10/12/02:We're supposed to go to a party later, but I feel soooo queasy. That oughta teach me to forget to eat! I didn't feel all that great when I got up but I had a Dr. Pepper - mistake #1. Then we went to see The Transporter (Flash animation) and I had popcorn and more Dr. Pepper. I did finally eat most of a piece of lasagna around 4:30 but it was too late. Of course, maybe it's actually morning sickness...I cried at an Antiques Roadshow segment this afternoon, how sad is that?
The Transporter was actually pretty good. It has one of the best car stunts I've ever seen and the plot was actually not too flimsy. But who goes to action movies for the plot except big-city newspaper reviewers? Definitely not me! My only problem with the movie is that there was only one woman in it, and she was a weenie. Women should kick ass.
10/11/02:Ok. I got sniffly at a bank commercial this morning. There's obviously something wrong with me. I mean, my mood is actually pretty good, until I hear a sappy song or, for instance, yesterday I got sniffly at an ambulance that had a special children's logo on it. Yes, it was on its way to the hospital at the time, but still. When I told Phillip, he said "Uh-oh...". He thinks I'm pregnant. We'll see in a week or two. I mean, I'd only be two weeks along, which is waaaayyy too early for at-home tests. Only a blood test could tell this early.
Bored? Go to Cockeyed.com. It's interesting and it has a 6-section list of personal questions that this poor guy answered.
10/10/02:Anybody thinking about having children should keep a toddler for an evening. Hannah was happy and played and talked and I even got her playing a video game (Animal Crossing - she's better at it than a 3 year old should be!)...until she started to get sleepy. She did not want to sleep at my house. Then she didn't want to leave because she was getting to stay up past her bedtime. We had fun, but whee! when she throws a fit, she means it.
I added Mike's comment and my reply to the rant. I'm restructuring my front page so it may cause errors for a while.
10/9/02:I feel a bit better today, which is good, because my sister called before 7 a.m. to ask if I could keep Hannah this evening. Hannah is 4 months shy of being three years old, and strong-minded. It will be fun to keep her, but a child that age definitely takes some energy to keep up with.
10/8/02:Somebody, just put me out of my misery!! My face hurts, and the rest of my head feels like a pack of Dachshunds are digging for badgers in it.
I'm thinking of joining the Blogs by Women webring. I dunno. I've been reading some of the others and it's definitely a mixture, it isn't like both the babbling and the intellectual wouldn't fit in, but I'm ambivalent about the traffic. I want people to see this journal, and I don't. One of the logs from the ring is Blogs to a Baby, and I have to say, why does it surprise people that they have trouble conceiving when they're pushing 40? More on this subject elsewhere (*the link works now! Sorry about that). As some of you know, I went off the Pill in May and Phillip and I are trying to get pregnant, but I am certainly not dwelling on the process! Are my posts as obsessive, as self-centered? Probably. Should I be sharing this stuff?!?
10/7/02:Okay, so I didn't post all weekend. You try getting Phillip off the computer! We are getting another one this winter I hope, so maybe it will cease to be a problem. We did manage to go shopping Sunday (my old long sleeved shirts are a bit, um, snug), and there was some playing of Legend of Legaia 2 (on the Playstation 2), but by that time I was too tired to think properly. And I still didn't get to sleep at a decent time! I'm having freaky nightmares, too. Everything I've ever been afraid of has shown up, except the nuclear devastation. In no particular order: spiders, tornadoes, abandonment, lightning, overbearing people, surreal houses that I can't get out of, said houses as houseboats in a hurricane, being shot at...all of that just last night, in the same dream! Half of this stuff doesn't bother me anymore, awake or asleep, but the combination is not restful.
This morning I have already run across a really well-laid-out site called Flying Teacup, which is pretty much devoted to anime but very cool. Also, a really silly personality test that I couldn't resist.
10/4/02:I was in a good mood. My boss hasn't really mastered the art of telling people things without making it sound like they are being scolded. Maybe it's just me. OK, so I take that sort of thing too personally.
I can't help but wonder, though, if the asking of questions to which you really don't know the answer is a bad idea. It seems that people who ask questions (as opposed to looking it up or just knowing somehow) are seen as less intelligent by certain sorts of other people. Maybe I just see it that way because I think that I should already know the answers. I like knowing the answers. That's why I ask the questions!
10/3/02:I hate it when my dreams bleed into my waking, but I can't remember what they were. Usually I can at least remember. It makes me feel like my whole head is being redirected into another universe. Maybe it is. Everything around me, though familiar to the point of boredom, seems alien. I found the Clunk website, and it's pretty dern interesting! I learned that of the 45,798 people in Springdale (according to the last census), only 19.7% are hispanic or any sort of Latino, and that Springdale has more women than men across the board. Also, Fayetteville is a frighteningly homogenous place for a college town.
The WHO released a report that seems to justify every negative thing I've ever thought about humanity in general. The accompanying graphs make it a little too unreal, but the information is still horrible. We are horrible. Of course, the very next thing I read was the Official World's Funniest Joke, so there you are. People are weird. For instance, in Britain, judges are being urged to consider criminal genes. Not in a "let's lock up all the people with these genes" way, but in a "incompetent to stand trial" way, like crazy people. I think that both approaches are silly. Either our justice system works for all offenders, or it desn't really work. Guess which one I believe!
10/2/02:Yup. It's morning. We went to Shanghai for supper and to the mall for strategy guides last night, but I still finished a link necklace and three crossword puzzles. This not getting to sleep thing is really annoying. At least Phillip (my husband) is feeling more energetic. It makes him frisky ;) !!
I went to Mike's web log and was disappointed to find no new entries since September 20. I did like the music reviews, though I had already been exposed to Threebrain - Wheeeeeeeeeeee!
I felt like surfing. Slate Online Magazine has a nifty article on Victorian nudes and an absolutely hilarious one on wine spitting. There's a good reason why I will not get snobby about wine! I found another discount yarn seller, Crazy Cat Knitting, that sells in bulk. I also found a really strange 'zine called State of unBeing, and a really interesting knitting/crochet site looking for freeform knitting. The rest of her site is interesting, too.
10/1/02:Yeeeaarrrgh! It's October already!! I want it to stay nice and warm. I guess that it will; when I got married two years ago this late October, it was eighty degrees. I hate winter. Fall is my favorite season. I love to see the leaves turning, the sky a color of blue that it only turns in fall, the cool rain, the mornings when you finally get to wear your new "school clothes"...
9/30/02:
But, it's back to work for me. Bleah. The electricity was partially off when I got to work this morning, and I "wasted" part of it showing off my new pieces.
9/26/02:The bags are packed, and I'm ready to go. I wish that I had asked for the whole day off instead of just half. If you missed it earlier, I'm going to ABC3, and even teaching a class! It will be two and a bit days of beading and eating, 31 or 32 women, in a house by scenicThunderbird Lake. Not that we leave the house much! I am taking more yarn and knitting needles than is really healthy. I'm actually not taking that many beads, because Brenda of Bama Beadswill be there with all of her inventory!
9/25/02:Tomorrow is the day I leave for the bead cave!! I am almost ready. In gathering up my stuff, I discovered that I have a ridiculous number of knitting needles. Almost every size! So, anybody wanna , and I'm rushing around to get everything ready, both for the class and at work. I'll be riding with the Oklahoma ladies, so I have the extra pressure of space constraints.
9/23/02:
9/22/02:Last night we got drunk, ate Mike's spaghetti, and played Animal Crossing. Then Mike and I talked for a really long time. One of the topics was the feeling of isolation that this time of year often brings. While he has a good reason for feeling adrift, I don't. I feel like I just don't have real friends anymore. Well, Mike, but he's leaving, and my husband, but he's stuck with me. Is it weird for a woman to have no real female friends? I have female acquaintances, but none that I'm close to (which, by the way, is pretty much my own fault). All the magazines (you know, Marie Claire, Vogue, Cosmopolitan, Redbook...) make it sound like every other woman has a tight group of really close girl friends. I haven't had that since high school. I guess you could consider the beady ladies to fill that function but we only really talk about beads, so does it count? Maybe it does, and I have unrealistic, media-driven expectations.
Tomorrow is the Autumn Equinox, a time when harvest is celebrated and all the hard work of farming is usually over for the year. Interestingly, even though Fall is a transitional season like Spring, it is no longer occasion for special cleaning, although it is still a special time for gardeners. It did seem like a good time to do some spiritual housecleaning, throwing out some angst and grudges, rearranging my grievance collection, sorting through all those emotions cluttering up my head. I found some really beautiful emotions that I thought I'd lost, and got some of the negative ones tucked away in storage so I don't trip over them so much.
9/21/02:It's Harvest Moon and I'm happy for a change. Got our friend Mike over and he's gonna cook for us, and I got to sleep as much as I could (not enough, but no alarms anyway), and I'm going to try some merlot. The wine was bad, so I ended up having a Midori sour instead.
9/20/02:I feel a bit better than I have the past several days. Maybe it's because I actually got snuggled last night. Granted, it was while he was playing Animal Crossing, but that's OK. He's making an effort to do things together; he wants me to make a town in the game so we can trade stuff. I asked him to think of things to do this weekend that don't involve TV or video games, so I'll just have to see what he comes up with.
It's amazing how worked up people get about anything political. For instance, a "Please vote NO" notice was accidently posted to my bead group, and it almost instantaneously drew a flame. It was extinguished by the moderator but sheesh. I just ignored the original post, so I was surprised to see such a violent response.
I got my kits!! Yay! IDEXX is definitely the easier company to deal with of the two, Synbiotics/KPL being the other. In unrelated news, I decided that maybe all the marital issues are mine, and in that spirit I went to iVillage for their relationship workshops. I started out by taking a quiz about our sex life, which indicated that our sex life is "sizzling". Then I was directed to the Love Lessons 30 Days of Great Sex workshop. The first thing to do is start a sex journal. I don't think I'll be doing this on the Web.
9/19/02:No squid for me. Today has already produced a crisis, this time related to the kits I use to run the ELISA. I placed the order for new ones on the 9th, and they just somehow weren't actually requested from the company. I HATE AASIS(Find out more about this horror)!!! Yep, I'm yelling. I am pissed! Naturally, because there aren't any of this one kit at all, I got a diagnostic case (high priority!) that has to have that test. Confusion and tension run rampant.
I'm in the sort of mood where I would normally hate everything, but I just don't have enough energy. I didn't get any lab coats from the uniform company for three weeks running now. I know that it isn't a comment on me personally, but I feel like it's a further statement of my unimportance. Chalk it up to paraniod depression. I'd go back to the shrink except my insurance doesn't cover outpatient mental health(Scroll down; they hide the bad news at the bottom). We're government employees - we're supposed to be insane.
9/18/02: Yeah, it's a day. I'm hoping that I get to go to Arirang for squid tonight, I'm craving. It's a busy day, Wednesday always is, but I got an unusually large number of samples for ELISA *and* the usual amount for AI-AGID (Avian Influenza-Agar Gel ImmunoDiffusion). These are tests for poultry diseases, often for monitoring purposes. Birds are vaccinated against several of the nastier ones, so ELISA (Enzyme-Linked ImmunoSorbent Assay) is used to see how they took. We're looking for antibodies if that clears it up a little.
And it just didn't get any better. Sometimes I feel like my husband prefers playing video games to seeing me. I ended up eating homemade nachos for supper, fiddling around on the internet, and generally being lonely. Well, I did work on the Mike piece for a while till my neck hurt. I gotta start just getting out of the house. I did go visit brotherjames, and commented variously 'cause it's fun.
9/17/02: I am sooo tired. Sunday night I slept less than 6 hours, and less than 2.5 hours consecutively, and last night I did get almost 8 hours, but that isn't enough after Sunday. Luckily the boss is away and it's less noticeable that I'm all groggy, so I've been wandering about the Net to my usual haunts. For instance, the needlecraft pages at About.com, particularly the knitting area. That led me to the Tahki Stacy Charles site, which features great patterns and yarns that I usually can't afford but love anyway. Apparently, knitted hoodies are very very popular. Weird, huh? In my wanderings, I did discover a site devoted to mood, IMood, that is pretty funny.
At home, I'm working on Mike's neckpiece, an amulet bag based on a book he read in childhood called "Arrow to the Sun". I'm also knitting a jumper dress for my 2.5 year old niece (okay so I like decimals!) out of a wild Red Heart Kids yarn, Sherbert. The color card was pretty accurate on my screen.